Jessica's Blog

In December I felt a lump in my breast, but figured it was likely due to being engorged with breast milk.  Pumping and nursing seemed to help a bit until I realized that the only reason that seemed to help was the due to the milk filled tissue around the lump being softer.

I did the bad thing and let it go because, well,... it felt like a swollen duct, and I had my fair share of breast infections.

My annual exam came up and I mentioned the lump to my midwife thinking she'd give me the usual, "Yup, nothing to worrya bout.  It's just a blah blah and you can blah blah if you like, but it will go away on it's own."  But she didn't say that.  She hummed and Ooohed and gave me a referral.

errr.....ok.  I have a lump in my breast.  Very different than a lumpy breast.

I told my near and dear girlfriends, my sis.  I told my dad and step mom.  I had the ultrasound and was given reassurance that there were no red flags, but to do the biopsy just to be sure.  What a relief.  I never had the feeling that the lump was anything to worry about, but still... you hear breast, lump, and ultrasound in the same conversation, and it doesn't feel so super.

The needle biopsy was a cake walk on the breast... but since the doc felt a node on my thyroid, we decided to biopsy that as well and that biopsy was not very fun.  It took five separate needles to get the good sample.  It took me with my head tilted at an odd angle and the warning of "now, don't swallow or cough or try to make a sound."  I mean, gee... with the placement of the node she was sampling, one funky move and she could have nicked my carotid artery.

As I lay there numbed and going to my happy place in my own mind... I realized I really wished I had asked someone to be there with me.  I had sent Hubby off to do the kid pick up duty... but deep in my heart, I was not enjoying.. dare I say I was a bit scared of the fact that there was a needle wiggling and scooting about in my neck with all those nerves and teeny tiny muscles and veins and arteries.  I never told the doc that I had taken my fair share of anatomy and physiology.  If I had, she may have offered general anesthesia.

So I lay there and did my quiet meditative breathing.. needle after needle... complacently, cooperatively, quietly and patiently losing my shit entirely.  Breathing deeply.  I was *quite* sore afterward.  Whiplash sore.

That night I let it slip in a phone call with my mother that I had a biopsy or two that day and was whooped.  Zoiks.  She was  a tad bit concerned.  She connected the fact that she had had a dream the night before about my long departed great grandmother (who died of colon cancer in the 1940s) with my phone call.  She ran through all the worste case scenarios, and was concerned at my lack of concern and how no one wants to admit that they might be SICK.

*deep breath*

Deep in my intuition, I knew I was fine.

Needless to say.... I'm all benign.  Yippee!  My mom called me to check on my results.  When I told her I had left a message for her at her home, she said she was calling because she didn't want to get the message at home and have to listen to it when she was all by herself!

*deep breath*

My best response was my dad's.  The king of dry humor.

me:  Hey Pops, I'm calling to let you know I am a totally benign person.  Nothing malignant about me at all.

my dad:  Well, I certainly couldn't disagree with you more.... But, I'm glad you're healthy!

har har har!

So am I, Dad.  So am I.

The inflamed lymph node is consistent with chronic mastitis.  We'll re-eval in six months... maybe by then I will be done with the breast feeding and things will heal up.  The node on the thyroid was fine.