Thank you, Hillary
Today we had a hectic morning. Last night (yes, all hectic mornings start by things that don't get done the day before...) we found some incomplete work in Big Boy's backpack with a note from his teacher. *GROAN* So Big Boy was at the breakfast table doing some seat work while eating his peanut butter boppers.. or puffins, whatever. He doesn't like to write sentences. So with much compassion and as much patience as we could muster while juggling the morning routine, Hubby and I coached him through this process. Mostly because in knowing our son, we know that if he didn't do it immediately it would grow and grow in his mind and he would just refuse to ever do it because it's too late, too hard etc. I did find out a nice new engineering-mind Big Boy quirk. He got derailed at one point because there was no way the whole sentence would fit on one line. Once I encouraged him to finish the sentence on the next line down... his whole demeanor changed. I wrote a note to his teacher in response to the one we received. Yup.. gotta keep those lines open! That whole parent-educator-repsect-and-support thing.
Honey Girl's response to this added morning stress and mother being otherwise engaged issue was to need someone to talk to. To need feedback on lots of things, and if said feedback was not available, she would take to chanting. "I'm ready to go now. I'm ready to go now. I'm ready to go now. Hey! Mommy! I'm ready to go now..... mooooommmmmmyyyyy I'm reaaaaady tooo goooooOOOOOoooo nooooowwwwwww." This of course was syncopated with sniffs and coughs because she's catching a cold Hubby came down with yesterday. *explicative* I would thank her for being so prepared and request that she remain as patient as possible so Big Boy could finish his work, Mommy could finish her breakfast, daddy could get back from walking the dog, and Mommy could put Little Lady's things together. So Honey Girl would return to sulking, puttering, and hanging off my belt loops and saying "I love you, Momma."
I love you too, Honey Girl. Very much.
I was holding Little Lady and attempting to eat cereal and chug coffee (after one-hand writing note and clipping it to homework folder) without her grabbing the spoon from my mouth and dousing me with soy milk or smacking my mug and pouring hot coffee on me. Not so much that I would mind the spills, I'm kind of immune to that, but I was not in my usual "mom uniform" today. Today I was actually wearing pants and a sweater. So I thought I would make bold attempts at cleanliness, just. for. today. Ha ha ha. From time to time Little Lady would vocally protest my attempts to foil her grabbing exercise, then turn to bite me on the shoulder with her five teeth. You have my attention, Little One.. please oh please unclench your jaw. ah, yes. That's much better. ooof!
Buck the dog(once returned from being drained by Hubby) was keeping a good eye on the biter biscuits in Little Lady's saucer and looking at me over and over with the question mark face, "Can I eat them NOW?!?! She' s clearly not into them." No no, Buck. Little Lady squeals the like at him as well... form the safety of my arms.
We all got packed into our cars and attended Big Boy's Kindergarden assembly. He was an owl in an adapted storytelling of "The Mitten" by Jan Brett. Honey Girl sat with the first graders and watched with great intent. Hubby manned the videocam. I danced Little Lady around the back and smiled and waved back at Big Boy *tsk tsk*. He totally forgot his line. Hid behind his mask. His teacher had to yell his line to him. The show moved on. The class did an encore performance, just for the parents, not the whole school. The second time through, Big Boy walked across the stage and seemed to want to keep on walking...of the other side. A classic, "I am not a trained monkey!" statement. But he did stop. He remembered his line, and said it loud and clear. We're proud of you Big Boy. You made a great owl. Honey Girl loved it too. She only got upset when it was over and was chanting, " I want to see it again. I want to see it again. Mommy??? Are they going to do it again?" Little Lady fell quiet from her humming and vocalizing in the carrier during the performance, simply because the implicit wish for silence was gone. Gotta love it!
I gracefully avoid getting sucked into playground politics of who has the spring birthdays and why not have a combined party for them and then we don't need to buy gifts and that's how that class does it.... ug ug.... buh-bye.... so good to see you! I smile and wave and off we go! I've earned the badge "non compliant mother of kid who forgot his lines."
On to take Little Lady to the FCC. Can't take Honey Girl to school right now because we would interrupt group time and that is a major no-no. At the FCC Honey Girl takes a pacifier from another baby and coaches Little Lady to take it and suck on it. "like 'dis wit-oh way-dee! Wike 'dis!" After saying our goodbyes, after talking *yet again* about mouth germs and flu season and babies... I take Honey Girl to school and get her settled in play; after helping her blow her nose and coaching her again about coughing into her sleeve if she needs to cough.
As I drove away from the school my to-do list startling running through my brain. The rush rush rush. The do do do. The sh--stuff that just never gets done. The house that will never get clean. The notes that may never get written. The dishes that are eternal. the Laundry that is eternal. The ME projects that remain quater-complete. The e-mails that never get replied to. The cloth diapers I forgot to set out on the curb. Calling Grandma about research I just heard about arthritis. I breath. I slow down. When I get home. I'll do a quick check of e-mail. Meditate. THEN I'll attack my to-dos with a much healthier outlook/ energy/ blood pressure. I try to stop the evil voice inside my head that wonders, "why the hell aren't you getting anything DONE?!?!?" Gee, I wonder why...
I check my e-mail.
My girlfriend Hillary sent me a great gift.
I cried for a good few minutes.
I feel so much better.
Thank you HIllary, it really does put it all in perspective. Yes, you may be sleep deprived with beautiful 'lil newborn babe and wonderful 2 year old son. But it made me misty too.
By the by..... I am certain the word "Mom" can be replaced by "Dad" as well. At least in my house it can, right Hubby?
Before I was a Mom...
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom...
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom...
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom...
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom...
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom...
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.