And we keep breathing our own air.
We spent some good time with Grandma Toni down in the dessert after Christmas. We stayed through New Year's bid our fond adieu New Year's Day.
I have developed a whole new set of Desert morning rituals since Grandpa died. My first morning there, I walk to his spot at the Memorial Park to check on the flowers I put there. The winds can knock them down, but this last batch has held tough for about a year now. If they fade, I'll get new ones again. I talk to him a bit. I still miss him. I no longer cook bacon... not to my taste. I no longer share the paper and get involved in long political discussions because Grandma doesn't get the paper anymore. I no longer get good tar-like black coffee because the coffee maker is long gone and replaced with a pods one. But I still find myself referring to the house as "the folks' place", then I correct myself to "Grandma's place".
Honey Girl has developed a new name for Grandma. It's been G-Gma for Great Grandma. Once Honey Girl understood that G-Gma stood for Great Grandma, she got a little turned around and was looking for her "Best Grandma". I thought that was too precious. So Grandma Toni is now interchangeably "G-Gma Toni" or "Best Grandma".
What's so wonderful are all the growing changes we've had to go through that have made us stronger since Grandpa was taken from us. I can't help but ruminate a bit on the "then we used to" to the "and now we" stuff. Nothings the same, but it's all beautiful, wonderful, and full of love.
While we are down there now, I cook the dinners.. or procure them elsewhere and return with them. Grandma doesn't ask me to do it. She loves it and says she sure as hell doesn't have it in her to do it. So the food has taken a decidedly NorCal turn from our old Soul Food roots, but we still cook up the good grub and I can love doing it all as Hubby and Grandma are having so much fun playing with the kids. I can work in there unhindered. My memories of hearing Grandma singing in the kitchen and Grandpa returning from all over the desert floor with cuts of meat and veggies from the best produce stand are still fresh in my mind, but what we have now is also very special, and the new generation's soul food. Who knew I would grow up to hold that spot?!?
This trip down I really got a good look at the new life in my Grandma. You know what? She's doin' AL-RIGHT! My heart is at such ease, I can't tell you. I didn't realize how much I worried until I was shown how good things are going for her. A weight is lifted. As friends came to visit her and meet us, I was moved to thank them for being so wonderful to my Grandma. I made some bread for the neighbors that stayed with her after her knee replacement. I asked after the woman who helps her keep house, the dear friend of her Buddhist group, how things are going with her chanting group that comes and discusses philosophy every Tuesday when they do their gonyo together. I even ask about her online friends who visit form across the country. Grandma took us to her club! Yes, she joined a country club up the street where she goes to dine a couple times a week. Through that club she goes to the gym, sees a nutritionist, does workouts, and *drumroll* has returned to singing! One of her friends (who got her to sing again) had us all over New Year's Eve day and we had a wonderful time. This friend is from Montreal and yup.. is one of those French Canadians, so she had a great time speaking French with me and the kids. We wolfed down tortierre and tomales while watching the golfers attempt the 17th hole off her patio. These are all friends that have been around for ages, and I've known since I was 12, but now that Grandpa's gone, and their husbands are gone... they are out and about tearing up the town. It is beautiful to see the love and support and laughter they all share.
"Don't you worry about your grandmother, my dear.. I've got my eyes on her all the time" Lise said to me in French while in the kitchen. Still, I made sure to give her my contact information to reach me if ever she had a concern.
Grandma had a performance while we were with her as well. We all went, gussied up and all. The kids loved it! I loved it and taped it. She was great and announced to the CROWD at Milly's of Santa Fe in Indian Wells that I had never seen her perform with a band my whole life because she had quit all that business for a long time, but now she's back.. "so let's do this thing!" And there she was, my Grandma, up there with a six piece band of drums, winds, and piano. As an aside, Hal Linden was on clarinet. I was all starstruck to see Grandma up there having such great chemistry with Barney Miller. gafaw. I just dated myself, I know.... but c'mon! Barney Miller! It was right up there with MASH in my house growing up. Yes, we posted the video on the web, maybe I'll embed it next entry.
I also had a talk with Grandma about where she wants to go, what she wants to do, and all the "what ifs" I need to know to be her advocate down the road when things don't go so swimmingly. It was a good talk, and we'll have more of those, no doubt, because that woman does change her mind! I've always been inspired by my Grandma, and she never ceases to amaze me.
In the end, I am amazed and joyful over how well we all are doing. I know Grandpa's had his hand in it. I know he's happy for us all as well.
We keep breathing our own air.
