envy
envy: A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another.
I just pulled that off of dictionary.com. I think I'm ready to write about this now because I thought I was feeling jealous, but foudn that wasn't really it. I felt better when I looked up envy. The difference between the two definitions being a sense of anger and hostility that I don't have that is needed for jealousy. But yeah, discontent and resntment have been in my head lately.
So. Yes. I covet some things my friends have been experiencing lately. I love them all a bunch, and they know I don't harbor ANY ill will toward them, and I have been open with them about how I've been feeling lately. I have found that just letting my voice SAY that i envy them makes me feel soooo much better and able to let it go and move on.
I traded babysitter days with a friend earlier this week. Then I got an e-mail from the same friend asking me to TiVo The O.C. for her because she was heading out of town. The Babysitter let me know that she and her hubby were heading to Hawaii for the week, and that her two babes were being cared for between the two sets of grandparents. My first thoguht was : WOW! Good for them! Her hubby has quite the rigorous work schedule and she deserves a break with him for sure. Later in the day as both kids are screaming at me or trying to beat each other up while throwing food, I'm thinking: Hubby and I could use the same kind of trip. So I had to let that out of my space by just telling someone I felt jealous of such a cool trip. But now I know it's just envy. admiration. I covet it like i would someone's new Acura RL.
My Dear Friend spent some well earned time with her family in SoCal last Labor Day weekend. She blogged at the joys of reading books and sleeping in as the family took on her daughter. I tell Hubby about this and we both sigh and say "must be nice.....". Dear Friend and her hubby more than deserve that time to rest and recoup from their busy lives. I'm envious.
I think I need to spend more time with my friends whose lives are as exhausted and spent as my own. Envy is ok from time to time, but it sure can be taxing. We laugh and laugh and kvetch and laugh some more. But wait a minute....when I think about it.... all the women I know with a set up like my own are on medication..... gee,..... can there be a connection? This too shall pass. Right now I am able to write because Baby Girl is napping and Big Boy is checking out that new "Go Diego Go" tv show... oh tv guilt...(he's home sick from school today) the kitchen is cleaned up, the laundry folded, and the beginnings of a "project" is now to a point I could sit and type madly for 10 minutes. Being able to just get out these thoughts is truly cathartic and helpful. Please know this is my online counseling session.
Time to go finish the project of culling out the little baby toys from the mess... since Baby Girl isn't a little baby anymore!