The toast I did not give
Despite Deneb's occasional melancholic diatribe, he loves what life has to offer. To see his love of art, food, dance, relationships, technology, literature, nature, a good laugh, an adventure you'd know this to be true. The man has always been an inspiration. To see him with someone who makes him so happy makes my heart sing.
As I sat at his reception and the microphone was being passed around to friends to share and give a toast I used my sleeping daughter in my arms as an excuse of why I didn't want to speak just then, despite the best man's urging. Inside part of me wanted to jump up and share but the ass stayed glued to the seat. Maybe I stayed down because as with all of my college friends there was more than just a friendship history there, and I didn't know if it would be appropriate. It's all soooooo much water under many many bridges, but the old fashioned Ms. Manners on the shoulder said, "keep your ass down."
When I met Deneb we were freshmen at Oberlin College in Ohio. I was in tie-dye and jeans, and he had loooong hair and purple suede birkenstocks. Actually.. most of us had birkenstocks. It was Oberlin! yes.. and every CD of Indigo Girls, Pink Floyd, Tracy Chapman, .. . then came Tori Amos, Sarah Mclaughlin, Phish, Cranberries. But Deneb introduced me to S.E. Rogie, Liz Phair, Daniel Johnston, Coctaeu Twins, Pizicato 5, Ani DiFranco and Portishead. We shared a rare love for Cowboy Junkies. How he found time to find this stuff, camp out for art rental ( a whole other story), hold impromptu parties in his well decorated dorm room is beyond me. He had the best artwork in his room, the best sound system, the best non academic books. Thank you for the ee. cumings, Deneb.
Deneb and I share a birthday week. He was a great person to share a birthday bash with. He took such great care in making the invitations. The parties were successful and the memories from these parties are of course sealed in a big metal box in my head (and his too hopefully!!!) Aw, yes.. the parties. Deneb and Ben dancing to Talking Heads "Sugar on my Tongue". Deneb in this hilarious fleece jester hat. Drag Ball was always quite the occasion. I remember lending Deneb my small black cocktail prom dress and evening gloves.. shoes too, one year. I don't think he remembers it... then another year I remember him helping me tie and tie.. but I don't remember too much about the actual Drag Ball event because he introduced us all to the lemon drop shot that year... A few times before leaving for The Ball.
I have to put in a bit about Bessie. Oh Bessie, may you rest in peace. That lovely Lincoln Grand Marquis crazily hand painted in every way with every phrase and design that carried us on road trips. I was blessed to have be in Bessie on her final ride. We drove her back form Cleveland to Oberlin in second gear.... sort of.
I had the pleasure of meeting Jen a bit over a year ago at another Obie's wedding in Ohio. I have to say I loved her right away. This is something I don't usually do. It was immediately apparent how happy she and Deneb were with each other. Not only that, but she had a way of being immediately part of our shared history. She helped in everything the wedding party did together and did so with such grace and candor. We spoke a bit over dinner at the reception and I really enjoyed her company. When the music started, she and Deneb tore up that rug! I have pictures. It's not something said in toasts (why I never gave one)... but I have seen Deneb in a few relationships... but never seen him in one that fit him in a way that made him and the other just....glow! I mean, these two just glow when they are together!
Jen seems to have the same love of life Deneb has, but with a playful loving quality to balance his more analytical side.
I couldn't be happier for my college buddy and his new bride. Seeing Deneb get married makes me feel a bit older and more settled for sure. Ha! as if my own marriage and children don't! ha ha ha... It brightens the world to see two people who radiate with light and love. You go, you all!! Hope to see more of you!