Pot Stirrer XL
I often wonder whenever I join a group of any kind how close we all intend to be as members. How many secrets will there be? How many mini-cliques will form? Will they form odd alliance type bonds when things get rocky? Or will things be as we "all" would like? Friends and buddies forever doing stuff together with no bad blood, gossip or ill will harbored? Bullshit.
If there is anything I have found in my 30+ years of life experience it is that there is rarely ever a group formed (of women anyway) that did not get marred with in fighting, clique forming, gossip and conflicts.
Up until I was a mother I just didn't join into groups much. I enjoyed being the mysterious outsider that didn't socialize often. I had one women's group and that was cool. I have one good friend from each phase of my life and I am happy to chat with them maybe once a year (thank God for e-mail). But with the birth of my firstborn came the birth of my playgroup which has been a monstrous blessing for me in being schooled in the art of socializing: women style. i say "schooled" because it sounds prettier than being "housed" or "trounced" or "blind-sided" which is often how I feel.. but I am beginning to learn, I think...
My playgroup. Yeah. sure. We are all friends. My ass. It's sad because I truly have great love for a good number of our members. Well, to be totally honest i really love all of them, save one. let's just call her Pot Stirrer XL. A woman with the ability to take everything personally, exude hatred and gossip with such flair she could make Mother Teresa come off as a jealous vindictive heifer out to make Pot Stirrer's life miserable.
What is freaky is she's SOOOoooo good at it! It is frightening! Every pore of my intuitive self screamed out "don't get too close!" from the start and sure enough.... her sacred contract with some of us is to teach us how a group could be split to the point of such pathetic phrases as "well, I don't want to be there if SHE'S there." and "Oh, I don't mind her so long as I never have to speak to her." Come ON, woman!!!
I dont' want to get into the tiffs she's had with another mom(good friend of mine...surprise). But I will say this: she succeeded in alienating and scapegoating her! When my friend tried to talk things out with her, Pot Stirrer XL acted like everything was fine... but nope... the venom she spoke of her after she was "fine with her" was potent. Claiming hurt feelings, crying with her close clique friends over her hurt feelings...NEVER addressing the conflict directly to my friend and running her friends like the court of public opinion. It was disastrous. Slow brewing... "bubble bubble toil and trouble" kind of group breaking venom.
The good news for her and for the group in my mind... she was quite pregnant and disappeared for a while. Folks started to get along again. Chit chat was pleasant etc. But now..... she's baaaa-aaack. Babes being cared for by a family member so she can get out with her eldest and bless us with her ultra-fertile presence.
I pray we are the wiser from our respite.