Jessica's Blog

Our fair city has been toted to be the safest city in the USA.  Yup.  Crime may exist, but in lower amounts than in any other city in the country.  Wowsa.  interesting.. and by golly, how is that done???  I'll give you two guesses....

Well, this weekend Hubby and I had an amazingly great gift.  My mom stayed with the babes  so we could go out and stay in a hotel overnight.  Our first night away from the children in our parenting life.  Yeah, I know!  Long overdue.. but anyway.  We stayed at the Hilton in downtown San Jose and were home by 9AM.  Mom and kids had a great time (well, big boy had a grumpy AM) and she said she'd do it again in a heartbeat.  Sanity and true couple hood abound!

We walked from our house to the hotel because we live in midtown and it was nice evening.  On our way to the hotel we passed about a dozen mounted policemen and their horses as we strolled up Alameda Blvd.  A dozen.  In two or three groups of 3-4 each. We wondered if there was something going on at the Pavillion.  And yeah, the Sharks are in the playoffs.. and there was a large police presence over there with police motorcycles and cars and traffic patrol.  We saw two cars being pulled over on our walk to the hotel as well.  Interesting.

We dropped our bags off in the hotel room and decided to go to a movie.  We stepped out and walked up to the Cinema 12 theater deeper downtown in the pedestrian mall off of Market.  We saw another two cars pulled over in the downtown, and two sets of motorcycle cops.  Across the pedestrian mall from the movie theater were about 10 policemen having a coffee break at the starbuck's while their horses were scatter-tied to various poles about the walkway.

On our walk home, we saw more pull-overs and more cops.  It struck us as quite interesting.  Then I remembered  news reports on the local news station about restaurant and bar/club owners begging the police to ease off a bit because no one was buying alcohol with their meals or at the clubs.  Or, the town seemed to close down before midnight simply to avoid being stopped by the police on the way home.

Sunday on our way home from Costco we were put on a detour.  It looked like all the traffic from downtown Sharks game and Cinco De Mayo parade were being herded down one boulevard and cars were being "checked" for sobriety here and there.

I heard on the news today that there were 140 some-odd arrests and 400 some-odd citations given over the Cinco de Mayo weekend in San Jose... lots of public drunkenness and some assaults.  Now, KNOWING how many cops there are around... what kind of dumb ass would get trashed and belligerent in Downtown San Jose?!?!

Hubby grew up in Chi-town and I grew up (mostly) in San Francisco... we've seen our fair share of urban police enforcement.  While it was a bit odd to see sooooo  many police out this weekend... I have to admit;  I didn't mind it one bit.  They were all very friendly and polite. "good morning" "good evening" etc... smiles and friendly.  But man oh man... that was a lot of cops!  If I weren't such a straight laced old fart, I'd feel a little nervous. ha ha ha

So my doc called with the good news.  I am not anemic, my thryoid numbers are very good.  Liver and kidney functions are good as well.  He said to hang in there for a bit and if I don't improve.. or even if i do, he wants to check up on me in a month.  If I am not feeling better, then we will trouble shoot further.

So I am really happy to be told that I am "healthy".  I use the quotes because I still am struggling through the days.  Not so bad today.  Maybe being out with the kids for much of the day out in the bright sunshine was good for me?  Seeing friends and the kids seeing their friends on our playgroup day? I dunno.

The more I consider depression as a possibility, the less likely that seems the case, because I am quite functional.  I'm not irritable, or weepy, or short temptered (at least I don't think I am! ;-)).  I sleep well and wake up well... I just get tired.  I am whooped come kiddo bedtime now that big boy doesn't nap.  I do feel much much better on the rare occasion of crying it out sadness-processing grief... just continued grief processing?

It could be we have a clear cut case of a really darned exhausted mom who is a bit crispy.  Hubby had to work **late** all last week... and the last couple weekends, so while I enjoyed the "me time"  It's been some time of sole-caregiving for the kiddos.  A lot of demons were processing in my sleep...wacky dreams.  So much else going on.  I do feel "better" today than other days, before I got the call from the doc, but I do wonder what is up with my body!?!?

Will I feel better if I just go to bed crazy early?  I'll keep chugging along and faking it til I make it.....one day at a time.. smile up at the sky and wish for better days...

**** I miss the rain!!!*****

any suggestions or thoughts?

Yes, this is a day late.

Yesterday afternoon, a rumbling hum came over our house.  It was a touch before 5pm, so I took a look out our front door and up into the sky.  Big Boy and Baby Girl were all a flutter. (no pun intdended).  Three news copters were just over our neighborhood staying in one spot.  Chennels 4, 7, and 11.  Hmmm.  I figured it was for A Day Without Immigrants.  So, I turned on the tv... was promptly informed the around 50-70 thousand people were walking up Santa Cruz Avenue to HP Pavillion in demonstration.  Wow.  that's all of two blocks from my house. 

OOOooooo.  Hmmmm.  I wanted to go check it out.  I had thought during the day of joining, but really wasn't sure of how the two little ones would fare in the crowds, but the march was coming to a close, and at least we could see the finish line, right? Maybe hear part of the rally.  I ran the idea by Big Boy and he really wanted to go.  Baby Girl get an emphatic "YYYYes!"  but she's so little who knows what she thought she was getting herself into!

We put on our white shirts (to show solidarity) and packed into the double stroller and headed off across the train tracks for quite the amazing site to behold.  Beyond the dozens of police cars, motorcycles, and mounties,  we could hear the roar of the people and the music of the rally stand.  When we got to HP Pavillion, we were greeted by about 50 people in full aztec head dress and costume, with drums booming and bells and whistles leading an ocean of white and American flags.  Other families with wee ones were joining when we were... the stroller contingent. 

It was so moving to see the march.  Yes, I have marched quite a few times in my life... I'm pretty sure I've been strollered in some marches too when I was too little to walk.  So it was all the more moving.  A sea of people in white with thousands upon thousands of American flags.  As the march bottlenecked into the park,  people spilled out over to HP, and we would back up bit by bit, as I wasn't ready to be too in the mix.. the fact that Big Boy would holler over the marchers "Momma!  Too loud!  Too crowded!"  Whenever another wave would come to the overpass, a roar of "Si, Se Puede!" would ring out with cow bells and drums.  The signs (non of which I can remember right now) were along the lines of the modern system being a glorified slavery and the we are a nation of immigrants.

It was quite the historical moment.  My senses were all a tingle as they only get when doing a political march.. being part of something "bigger".

We headed home as the crowd grew larger and larger, and as bedtime grew close and closer.  I called my mom on her cell phone to let her know I did the duty of taking the kids to their first march, and she was exceedingly proud.  Her office in S.F. (where she is an exec dir. of a non-profit dealing in immigration/ refugee rights) was along the march path and she was soo moved.  Months ago when this process started, she was worried for the future of not only her institute, but our country.

My stance on immigration is quite confused, and clearly I am not alone.  We are indeed a nation of immigrants.  Clearly every "illegal" ( I prefer undocumented) that comes here finds work and is therefore needed and rewarded for the near death experience of getting here.  As it has been for generations... think of those who don't make it here, or back home.  Our "system" openly rewards exploitation of undocumented workers!  Why do you think goods are so cheap?  Why do you think services are so cheap?  How do you suppose our nightmare capitalist machine keeps running?  Nope, I don't like the garbage and mayhem that occurs at the border with Mexico, but the legislative ideas are an archaic solution.  When I say garbage I mean literal garbage (water bottles, clothing etc.. ) and also the dumb-ass militia border patrol shooting people and going vigilante.

I did notice places were much quieter and roads much emptier yesterday as people decided to boycott work and school.  I did felch and stopped at Starbucks because I didn't have anything for Baby Girl and she was soo soo hungry and I was thirsty.  It was deserted.. but I didn't buy anything other than that.  Gotta say that didn't send me the best message of life without immigrants: I liked the world being less congested!  But that is NOT the way to go about it.

We are a nation of immigrants.  Immigration policy is all kinds of wrong, but it can be fixed, and hopefully these last few days will spark that into being.

Si, se puede.

We didn't end up going to Monterey yesterday!  My sis called me in the morning after breakfast to announce the trip was cancelled because the jump spot could not guarantee clear skies.  The fog was quite thick.  My mom was at the door three minutes later.  We were relieved at the change of plans.  No need to dish out for gas, coral the kiddos and entertain them for the drive.  Things always seem to go according to plan.

Mom stayed for the day and was the best gift ever!  We took care of errands and she stayed with the kiddos so that I could go to my class.  Hubby got home in time to help put the kids to bed.. then conquered his honey do list.  It was a good day.  Thank you thank you mom!  I got some time to go to class!  Our blinds are up, and a new print is hung in our bedroom a la earthquake safe style ergo: HONEY DO IT, PLEASE.  Yeah, I can do the powertool and level thing, but he does it so much better than I do and well.... just better ;-)

On another note I have something up.  I don't know what is up with my body, but I have been just exhausted and "out of it".  I have an appointment with my endocrinologist in a couple weeks, but may beg to get in sooner.  It may be a simple case of super-mom exhaustion, but it's always good to check on the thyroid.  So far I have not had to take any meds, but yeah... I feel horrible half the day.  Like my body is full of sand, can't concentrate, not as flexible.  For the longest time I have used the grief excuse, as that's when it hit hardest, of course!  But now it seems my mind is doing much better, but my body is still just under water.  Please hold a thought for me as I figure this out.  Could be that after all these years of Hashimoto syndrome, my thyroid has decided to call it quits?  I just want to feel better soon.  If it's not my thryoid, then I need a good counselor.  At this point I don't care either way... I just want to feel like me again, and clearly my own nutrition, good excercise, good rest, good meditative thoughts stuff isn't quite cutting it.

Tomorrow is Saturday.  I still have it programmed in my head as being "family adventure day".  My sister has called me to come on down to Monterey to see her jump out of an airplane!  Sounds like fun for the kids, right?  Especially provided NOTHING GOES WRONG!

The only hitch I have is that I have a class on Saturdays at 3pm.  It just started and I have been on hiatus from it for a month, so I would like to go and enjoy time AWAY from family,  but.. to see my sis take such a dive would be pretty sweet.  IF we see her.... IF she flies before the kids get ugly.... but it is monterey and therefore forever gorgeous and luscious in my eyes and I have not been since shortly after grandpa died. 

Hubby won't be able to go.  No no no no.... no sad violins here.  He is having a good good time at his new job, working hard and while he's not around much... he is so happy.  That is priceless.  It is so good to see him running off to the job and when I call him late at the the office, he is working hard but not sounding annoyed. put upon, or burnt out.  Now, if he weren't a software engineer, I know all the girlfriends would be saying "hello!  late nights and ultra happy = something to worry about!"  but I know that something to worry about is a computer and a will to be the best code monkey these folks have ever seen.

I seriously doubt my sister will get herself out the door in such a way that i woudl be able to see her drop AND go to class.  Last we spoke, I was on my cell at the park and woke her up and she was complaining about how 10:30AM was too early an appointment to make! 

decisions decisions.... hmmm......My mom(bio) and dad are going to go... the kids would like it for sure... it would be a good family bonding experience, the kids would see family...

sounds like we're going to Monterey! 

I'll have to blog about my sis sometime.  She is such a fun and wacky and at times troublesome nut.  There is so much to her but this I know... she loves me and loves her niece and nefew something fierce.  I'm remembering now that one of the last times we went to Monterey was when she got her scuba certification.  She's invited us to the mountains to play in the snow, asked me about setting up Yosemite fun for the kiddos.  She leads a very active life.

-later-

Just got off the phone with mom and dad.  Mom in SF is going to head down here and we can drive together to Monterey with the kiddos and have fun.. hearing from Vanessa whenever she should get in touch and tell us more about her adventure.  My dad (Marin) has decided to forgo the experience.  He has an engagement that night he needs to get ready for and he's not up for the (almost guaranteed) wild goose chase that is: meeting my sister at some event.  She'll leave late, get there late, be unable to explain where she is or when she'll be available to see us.  I've learned to be ready for that and go with the flo of it.  She's my sis and I love her wacky self.

I figure that if nothing else we'll get a good day at the aquarium.

So how's that for letting go?
ni-night!
-Jess

When I was a little girl, shortly after my parents split up.... the bad neighbor kharma began.

The flat we lived in for years with my mom was below a sculptor.  My sister and my's bedroom was directly below her studio.  She had classes.  So a few nights a week, I would do my best to go to sleep while ten art students pounded fresh clay. wheeled works around the linoleum peeling floor, or discussed their works.  When she was working on her marble piece of Aphrodite....well, my alarm clock actually fell from my desk to the floor.  But she was cool.  I grew to love her over the 10 years we lived there. 

My dad's neighbors had about 12 cats that they left food out for... thus attracting every skunk and racoon for miles.  Nights were active and quite fragrant during the years my dad and later my step mom lived in that house.  At their house now, their upstairs neighbor has footfalls that sounded like he'd fall through the ceiling.  When confronted harshly over it... since he was the adult "failure to launch" of the ACTUAL neighbor... my dad's car got mysteriously keyed.  a-hole.

My mom's next place has been a mish mosh of all kinds of noises... one guy died and then there was the heroine addict and her just-relieased from juvi son.  Sadly now also deceased.. both of them *sigh*.  Aparently now it's a guy with a band.  aw, well.

When I moved in with Hubby.. a family of 4 moved into the 600 square foot 1 bedroom above us.  A stay at home mom with her 3 and 1 year old kids.  There was a Rottie next door that barked non stop.  In the first house we bought... well... lets just say that once THAT next door neighbor was successfully evicted.. it was found that she was in fact dealing meth (as I had openly suspected)and had converted many outlets in the house into drug hiding spots!

So here we are.... and ta-da... crap neighbors have now arrived in the form of at least 4 kids and 4 adults living in a place smaller than ours next door.  BLASTING music, playing soccer and screaming kids (who don't go to the PARK at the end of the houses!!!) in the DRIVE AISLE.  Y'know kicking balls into peoples garage doors.  Lovely bunch.  They don't come to the door if you knock or ring the bell, but they will make rude gestures at you after you close your window against their noise... and they seem to be multiplying.

After going half out of my head today.... I decided to let it go.  Forget about it.  See, the other part of this history is I am a neighbor who has always DONE stuff about the noisey rude neighbor in the batch of houses... well.... I don't want to anymore!  I just don't.  I'm sure it upsets my kids more that I'm upset about the noise than the noise itself.  I'll talk to other neighbors and ask what they think and maybe will find some other patsy to "take it on"... cuz.. well, this chick has had it.  I'm no longer battling the crappy neighbor kharma.

I surrender.  I give it up to my Higher Power.  'Cuz clearly it's not a battle that can be won by me.

My daughter is an amazing little lady.  She talkative, brave, but not stupid.. inquisitive, but not embarrassing, charming and flirty.  She's potty training herself at 19 months old.  Just like her brother her verbal skills are quite impressive.  I could go on and on about how this little one rocks my world.

Recently (I think due to teething and a cold) she has returned to the having to scream it out to sleep thing.  It is not fun.  No, it's not annoying, or worrisome.  It's just one of those things toddlers return to from time to time that we as moms kinda forget about after getting our "big kids" through it.  She' right on schedule to becoming momma clingy again.  almost 20 months.  Hard to believe.

It doesn't last long,the hollering.  I pry her off of my chest after she comes up with every excuse NOT to go to the crib.  "Momma pee pee!"  So I let her go pee pee and put her ni-night clothes on her.  "Book book book"  Nope, little Lady we've read the prescribed three.  I sing a couple lullabies, she begins to settle onto my chest and stops crying and cuddles down, but as soon as I turn to the crib she clings onto me like a little spider monkey and starts to holler.

I gotta admit, that's when I tell her, " Momma loves you, Baby Girl.  It is time to go to sleep.  I'm going to give a nice hug and a nice kiss and then you will need to figure this out." I plunk her into the crib and her hysterics begin.  I leave the room and keep busy with other stuff waiting for the near hysterical wails to stop.  It only takes about 5 to 8 minutes really, but as any mom can tell you:  These are long minutes!  I wonder if it will stop or if after 20 minutes I'll go rescue a red faced sweaty exhausted but not sleeping daughter  from the crib and kiss the thought of a couple hours of peace from my mind.  Oh yes, and replace that thought with that of playing referee to two tired little ones "playing" aka fighting until dinner time because they are both too tired and too tired of each other.  Thankfully she usually crashes out.. or is quiet enough in there I think she's sleeping.... I'm not going to actually peek lest she hop up and start yelling "Momma momma!".

Same story at night.  I eagerly await the end of this phase.  I've never been one for "letting them cry it out" but there are boundaries that i keep as a mom to stay a good happy mom.  When I know she's exhausted, overstimulated, and I've done all I can to soothe her.. well then, time to let go so that I don't go nuts.

To start off... please know I MEANT for you all to laugh as hard as I did on the inside when Big Boy and I had our "ice cream cake" conversation.  It was the perfect cherry on the day.

I woke up today wanting to do non-kids related errands.  I wanted to get Hubby's car smog checked, get blinds at Home Depot for our kitchen and office windows.  I'm done with the neighbors across the drive aisle possibly catching me jay birding it around at night.  Oh, and the groceries.. always always the groceries.  Big Boy had a playdate with a friend as well.

I couldn't get in touch with the playdate mom.. so I went about errands instead.

So I measured for the blinds (34.25 inches by 60 inches) and 4 windows.  two in the kitchen, two in the office.  I wrote up the shopping list.  Both things on post-its in my wallet for reference.

At Home Depot the kiddos decided to try to crush each other's bodies in the "kid-share" cart.  baby girl started to holler and Big Boy started to whine.  The blinds associate rememberd Big Boy from the weekend when Hubby brought him in for the blinds for Baby Girl's room.    Distractions abounded and for some reason I have yet to figure out.. I told this guy I needed blinds that were 41" wide.  I know that's what Baby Girl's window was.  He grumbled how it would take some time, so if I wanted to walk around and come back, that might be easiest.... In other words... get your screaming fighting kids away from me, it's almost my break time.

Lo and behold... I get home to discover my ultimate screw up.  Nope, you cannot return blinds once they have been cut.  They do not fit the windows and we are now out over $200.  Good going Jess!

I've decided to post signs by the mailboxes of our new complex... these blinds are perfect for all top floor windows and maybe some neighbors will buy them from us... all new in box and never used with all hardware.  But wow... ever feel like the ultimate heel?

Hubby reassured me it was really ok, and really liked my idea of selling them to the neighbors.  i told him about how I'd go back and get the correct ones.  That was when he meakly and sweetly let me know that... well... the ones I got cut were still too big for the upstairs bedrooms of our units, but could be re-cut to the correct size.  ARGH!!!!!!  I'm getting so good.. because I didnt' swear or scream at my own screw up.    I took a few deep breaths of resignation...

Hubby said I didn't have to with the kids back there... he'd be happy to go after work and 1) correct the wrong blinds to I can post that they will fit the upstairs windows and 2) get blinds that will FIT the kitchen and office windows.... Most likely so I can get back to my jay birdy lifestyle.  I'm sure he misses it *wink*

I forgot the paperwork to get Hubby's car smogged so I'll do that after Baby Girl wakes from nap.

Oh, and I did get in touch with the playdate mom.  Turns out she was up all night with the baby and their washing machine flooded their family room.  Could we reschedule?

Hey, I guess today is just like that.  Once you are a parent, you can't just crawl back into bed with a book and say "screw this noise".. but on days like this.. I do wish it were still a valid option.

Today we went to the zoo.

We pull into the parking space and Big Boy asks in a wonderfully polite voice "Momma?  Could you push to open my door, Please?"  Meaning.. push the button that opens his door... he's 3, he gets it.

"Sure Honey"

I push the button, his door slides up and I start to open my door when I hear the WORSTE  **WHUMP** noise ever.  As if a bull just hit the side of my car.. but nope.  It was my poor little baby boy running head on into the edge of my door, thus hitting his head something FIERCE. 

instant hollering... instant tears and screams while holding his EYE!!

Of course I'm thinking ('scuse me, but you gotta know it's coming) oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh nooh no oh no!!!

He lowers his hand and has a purple line down the edge of his eye and down part of his cheekbone.  No blood!  yay!  I got him to the first aid kit, only to find our effing one-time-use ice packs DON'T WORK and poof silicon crystals all over.

"I'm so sorry Honey, are you ok?  I'm sorry... we can get ice once we get into the zoo"  I reassure him as he sits there sobbing, watching my feeble attempts to come to his aid.

"No thanks, no ice, no ice.... s'ok.  I WANT DADDY!!  I want you to tell daddy.... "    I think he was wanting me to nark myself out to Hubby.  ha ha ha.  He had me craddle him for a bit.  Baby Girl starting yelling form her car seat, but once I told her she needed to be patient, because her brother was hurt, she was quiet.  She rocks.

Yeah, he's totally fine, the bruise has gotten smaller and smaller  through the day and I realize now from where it is located, he was running while not looking in front of himself!  But.... as ANY mom knows.... nothing feels quite so shitty as hurting your own little kid.  He had a good time at the zoo with Dear friend, her daughter and Baby Girl.  I did call Hubby and tell him what happened, and (as always) he took to reassuring ME it was ok.  thank you, Code Monkey!

During bath time tonight Big Boy was asking "Am I your brown sugar?" 
"Yes, Baby" I say, "You are my sweetest yummy chocolate brownie with fudge frosting!" 
to which he says, "You are MY Ice Cream cake!" 
"Oh? You like Ice cream cake?"
"Yeah!"
"You are my mixed berry pie!" I say
(he's laughing now)  "YOU are MY Ice cream cake!"
"Wow, Big Boy you sure like Ice Cream cake...."
"Yeah... I do like Ice Cream cake!"

***he's never HAD ice cream cake!!****
a moment passes and he says
"momma?"
"Yes, Baby?"
"What's Ice cream cake?"

I immediately wondered if he had a concussion from his head trauma....

g'night folks

A while back I wrote about all that is glorious about our new home.  I wrote about how we now take public transportation as much as possible, and how my little tree hugger angel dances about this fact...

I think that angel is getting fed too much because now I'm becoming a bit compulsive about it.

Playgroup on Tuesday was at a park, and I found myself on the VTA website figuring out how to get there on the bus.  We did it and it was fun.

After picking up big boy at school, we had lunch at Baja Fresh and then hung out at the bus stop outside his school and took the bus up to a different train station and then trained home.

I drive down familiar streets and NOTICE (how many of you do this?), actively notice the bus stops and bus numbers and commit them to memory to check out my bus map at home to see its route and if it would be useful to know. 

It is fun for me.  The kids love not being tied into carseats.  We do wash hands/ sanitize post-ride, and there is A LOT of talk about not talking to EVERYONE they see or touching everything or (Baby Girl) not teething on hand bars! 

Friends joke that the novelty will wear off once the kids get used to the ride and become mischievous.  Y'know, that happened about a week ago and hasn't stopped me.  We "ride through it" and keep on going.  Baby Girl has pushed the operator button on the train, danced ont he seats and bumped her head on the window when the coach started moving again... Big Boy has had screaming fits if he is not the first to pull the cord for "next stop", and has wandered off down the train or bus before I've been within reach of him.  This is part of the learning process of boundaries, safety and BALANCE.  I do not fear for our safety on public transport, I know we're much safer than in any car, and also the streetwise city-kid inside me REFUSES to feel fearful... but is ever vigilant and observant and Momma Bear.  Would have to be one stupid person to mess with either of my babies.  I'm sure my friends are chuckling in agreement at reading that line... knowing "momma Jess".

"I'm holding on, OK?  I have my balance. Ok Momma?" says Big Boy standing with legs spread wide and both hands on the grab bar.
"CHEEEWWWW-CHOOOO.  Bus bus bus" says Baby Girl... along with a lot of "I got it!  I got it!  I did it!  I did it!"

Downside.. they don't necessarily like getting into the car.  the tricked out Odessey is a drag compared to the bumpy, dirty, people-filled bus, or the fast and smooth train.  They get this glazed look in their eyes as they become passive passengers, and they gripe about the music (or lack thereof), the DVD player (usually lack thereof), and they tend to fight more.  But hey.. trips for groceries and to costco are minvan necessary as I don't see myself carrying a stock pile of supplies while wrangling the babes too.  I continue to get price shock at the gas pump, and think I need to study up more on public transport, as if there is not a NEED to take our car.. then maybe we shouldn't.  Rain hasn't been a problem for us.  We aren't made of sugar and we LOVE the rain.

Yes, it takes longer to get places.  There is planning and negotiation.  There is (and I'm learning HOW much) need for fast healthy snacks and water to keep kiddos fueled for all the extra walking.  I'm finding yogurt covered raisins, craisins, and whole grain golfish go far.  But most importantly is the need for patience, as they are learning this whole new thing and BOTH are into a "I do it myself" phase.  They beam with pride at getting into a seat, climbing into or off of a bus or train.  they dance and jump and wave when the train comes, getting waves and smiles from the operators.  Big Boy looks at maps, schedules, practices numbers.  Baby Girl knods in quiet observation.  I get more fit and more zen minded as I coax/carry/encourage my babes about town.  I also am not in as much of a hurry because I HAVE TO plan for the bus.  I also like the extra time OUT of the house and IN the outdoors.  I need new sneakers though!

My dad drives a bus for Golden Gate Transit up in Marin County.  I am certain that just as Big Boy told him all about all the different diesel engines and lightrail train intricacies, he will soon be asking LOTS of questions about what buses Poppa drives and where they go and "how often they run".

Off to go play trains with Big Boy... I'm being told to use henry while he gets Emily..

Are you done yet?!?!? he asks.... off I go.

I was checking out Hubby's blog and came across a song he blogged on in the wee hours of the night after I had gone to bed.  Yes folks, hubby normally stays up until 1 or 2.  It is a battle I have given up on: getting the men in my house to sleep. ;-)

here's the blog/song: Code Monkey.

It is a great little song about being a well, code monkey.  eh-hem... software engineer!  Relationships with managers, working working working and living on coffee (or in his case Pepsi), fritos, mountain dew.... but that in the end, code monkeys have big soft furry secret hearts and "code monkey like you".

With the move to the new house and with the move to the new job and new life, I sadly don't get to see as much of my code monkey. :-( .  He's up and off to the train by 7:45am.  He gets home.... well... last night he got home at about 9pm.  Hungry, whooped, but needing to unwind too.  How does he unwind?  Well, if I understand correctly.. .he writes code!  He de-bugs shareware.  He's loving what he is doing, and we are continuing to adjust to this new "start up" lifestyle.

They buy him lunch and dinner at work.  I have the cupboards stocked with breakfast bars for him to woof down on his way to the train.  He does a lot of kid duty in the early AM to get as much time with them as possible.  He even does Baby Girl's hair on occasion.  Voila... Code Monkey.

I did place a comment on hubby's blog about his relating to this song.

I am tempted to write a blog entry about "Code Monkeys and the Women who Love Them" because it is quite the subgroup of population here in Silicon Valley. 

We hear our husbands talking code in ther sleep.. things about strands, strings, branches...subgroups, beta, silver, USB... blah blah blah. 

My Code monkey has a very big fuzzy warm secret heart.  He takes ultra good care of us as only a Code Monkey could!  I have to have a tutorial to operate any consumer electronic in the house, not because they aren't user friendly, but because he loves to show me allllll of the features.  Big Boy is getting to be reall good with the Harmony remote lately... hmmm mini monkey 2 be?

We have no CDs because all of ours have been ripped and we now have a mac mini housing the MP3s.

The minivan is tricked out with DVD, navigation,  satellite radio and NOW... an FM modulator for the iPod. .. this is on top of the usual am/fm/cd dealio.... all that "old school" stuff.    I don't have an iPod yet.. I have yet to use the bluetooth cell phone earpiece he got me and told him not to get me an ipod until I got around to using THAT!  He set up my blog, our website, photo galleries, etc etc.... he has set up Grandma Toni sweetly demystifying all grandpa did with their entertainment center.  It is killa  to be so loved by a Code Monkey.

It is a bit different ( I think) from what I hear of non-code monkeys.  When we moved, I didn't feel at home until our beds were made and our kitchen was together... so we could eat and sleep.  Hubby didn't feel right until our wireless was set up, our direct TV HDVT satellite was in place, the servers were up to snuff, and all VOIP issues were dealt with.  He still gives himself a hard time that the speakers of the surround sound are not perfectly in balance following our last furniture moving session.  The garage is for storage, not workshop.. and we have **gasp** no grill to speak of.

Here is why code monkeys kick butt:  they are patient, loving, thorough, meticulous, hard working,  passionate about what they do and loyal to those who are loyal to them.

MY code monkey happens to be exceedingly easy on the eyes!

Yes, it is hard that they work so hard.  But you know what?  It is awesome to have a happy code monkey!  It is sad to have an unhappy code monkey.

Maybe I'll do a blog entry on "keeping your Code Monkey Happy"

OOps..... gotta go, my mini code monkey has requested that I sit with him while he has his "compoooter time".. he promises not to get mad if it takes a long time for the websties to load.  Hubby put in a refurbished iMac in the kitchen office for the kids.

I love you, Code Monkey.

Our babysitter has given us her notice for her last day with us.  She has been working with us for about a year.  With school and another "legit" job she has lowered her hours with us... and now that she is graduating and moving on.. well, we can't keep her forever, right?

I have been without daytime help for quite some time... I guess a month or four now? With the move and all else going on around here, I haven't missed having a break at all.  Baby Girl naps from about 1 to 3ish and Big Boy likes finding quiet activites during that time.  He no longer does the longer days at school on acount of he was "done" at 11:30 and didn't like to nap, thus being somewhat disruptive during their quiet time.  He is exhausted from school, but has decided he no longer naps... and I just dont' like fighting him over it.  So, I find I clean the house (hence not needing house help) and do laundry and if I'm truly whooped, I'll lie on the couch for about 20 minutes and power rest.  not napping,... just meditative moment.  With this all in mind, I dont' find myself "needing" help here.

But then again, I have come to realize "me time" is all but non-existent.  With Hubby's new job,  I am Da Momma for a bit longer each day,He catches the 7:55 train and some nights he gets home early (after bathtime, before stories). some nights he misses bedtime for the kids. I am finding I am more relaxed on Mondays after the weekend.  I see Hubby off to work, Big Boy off to school, and Baby Girl and I go and do a little walking around, chatting.. and lately going to share a muffin at a local bakery.. then browse a Barnes and Noble.  As moms with more than one kid know.... going out with just one is as easy as going out alone, and weekends (while wonderful) are harder work because with family time comes more mom responsibility. 

I have had appointments on weekends catalogued as "me time"  I've gotted a hair cut, and a pedicure.  Both times I have felt like I've been asking Hubby if it's ok, and would he be willing to "have the kids" for a bit.  I hate having to ask!  He is just as tired and in need of "time" by weekend.  I hear of families where the hubbies take the kids out for errands on saturdays so mom can sleep in.  Well, that just isn't my family.  I also don't like missing out on time we all have together only two days a week.  So by getting another sitter for a day a week in the afternoon, I could schedule and take care of my dr's appointments, and quiet moments without feeling like I'm asking a favor of Hubby and missing out on Family time.

I'll post a listing when I'm ready to go through the interviewing process again.  It is a bit of a drudgery.  Baby Girl  starts school in September, thus opening up my mornings for "me stuff".. maybe I should just sit tight until then?  By waiting til Baby Girl starts school, I will relish every singe hour I have to myself knowing that after 4 years, I will have more than earned every second to myself I can possibly muster.  4 years and being away from the kids a total of 3 days. um, yeah....

I am so done with this Easter stuff.  I'm going to go off a little bit.  I know my true Christian friends likely will still love me and understand that their pagan (as in.. the stereotypical thought of "pagan" being non-Christian... NO disrespect to true Pagans.. who I have YET to meet one I didn't like!  I actaully have great respect for true Pagans.. but I digress) friend respects their religion, but HATES the materialism economy and junk around its holidays.

At Farmer's Market last weekend a very chipper and clean woman asked if I would like a flyer invitation to her church for their Easter service, "It's really wonderful!" she said with a cheerleader grin.  "Oh, no thank you, but thanks anyway."  I said with a kind smile and understanding look of ' how sweet of you to offer.. but no, lady'.  Then she looked at Big Boy on my hand at the time eating a big big strawberry and asked him how old he was "Oh sweetie, we have JUSt the Sunday School you'd like!  My son goes and loves it!"  Needless to say I had a sudden urge to go Momma Bear on this woman.  I didn't at all, but was surprised at my near violent energetic protection over my son.  In that split second my body reacted as if she just offered him his first hit of crank.  My head was mulling on this instance much of this week.

At Big Boy's school a family came and "shared their family tradition" on Friday.  They brought sugar eggs and the group had some.  Yup.  Hello Easter... which to many and most means JUNK JUNK JUNK AND CANDY CANDY CANDY.... oh, and maybe some HAM!  This didn't bother me too much other than that the school doesn't allow sugar anything usually, but GEESE if it's EASTER then, why not?  So I had sugar crash nightmare all day to commemorate Christ being nailed to the cross.  This bothered me somewhat.  I asked Big Boy what he learned at group time from the family that shared, and he had nothing to say about it other than... food!  So wise and so young.

Today we had a trip to Costco.  It was madness watching the masses buy  up anything egg shaped, anything bunny shaped and definitely anything they wouldn't normally allow to cross their lips any other time of the year.  As we were leaving with our purchase the lady at the door asked Big Boy over and OVER "So, honey.. are you all ready for Easter?!?!  Are you ready for Easter honey?!?!?"  He gave her his usual blank look and after a couple more askings gave her the "what do you want me say, lady?" look.

Hubby and I looked at each other in a knowing way.

My Playgroup is having a "Easter Egg Hunt" play group at a park on Tuesday.  I have agreed to pack up some plastic eggs to toss into the hiding batch to 1) play along 2) be a good sport 3) watch the kids figure out this whole "hunt the egg" business. and also,*mostly* to challenge myself to pack eggs with something that is not junk food or a chocking hazard.  I imagine red envelopes with money in them wouldn't be too popular... hmmm....

My folks came down for a visit today and over lunch I brought up my recent annoyance at this oh so NOT secular society we live in and how I am so DONE being inundated with Christianity.  We are not athiests, we are not agnostic, we are not Jewish, Christian, or Muslim or Hindu... or Seik.  I don't feel like saying what we ARE because it would be a distraction or a "we're holier than thow" type segway.  Not happening.  But I will say that we are an EXCEEDINGLY spiritual group.  My folks knodded in agreement with my gluteral annoyance at the holiday.  We shared in how more than anything, to much of the US,  it's a eat junk food holiday.  peeps, jelly beans, chocolate eggs, chocolate bunnies, cadbury cream eggs, malt ball eggs.. marshmallow bunnies and oodles of fake plastic grass.

My mom said she was relieved I was happy she didn't bother with easter baskets or bunnies or cards.  **thank you mom**  She did share an interesting story though.  As a realtor she offered to hold an open house Sunday.. so happens to be Easter Sunday.... a fellow realtor said "But it's EASTER!"  to which my mom replied "I dont' mind.  I do not celebrate it, and I am not a Christian."  My mom reports the woman gave her a look as if my mom had just run over her cat and threw it in her face.  Not Christian?!?!?  O dear me!  I chuckled and thought to myself.. at least she didn't give you the "Oh I pity you, since you're going to HELL!!!" look many Christians give us lesser humans.

What's my angst here?  All the secularized Christian practices for Easter are bastardized paganism used to convert people to Christianity.  Bunnies and eggs?  hunting for eggs?  What is THAT about?  Its' about a true celebration of all that is spring and has nothing to do with Jesus Christ!  I have enjoyed Easter services.  I have enjoyed the sermons at Easter time.  I've even been to sunrise services.  I know and understand the beautiful holiday that Easter is.  Same as with Passover, Yom Kippur, etc etc.  I simply feel inundated with the overbearing, shove it down my and my family's throat that Easter is. Especially now that we have kids.

So what are we doing for Easter?  We are going to take the train to Japan Town San Jose for Farmer's Market because our normal Farmer's market is closed for a *trumpet fanfare* Easter Day Parade!  Filled with Boy Scout troops, no doubt... don't get me STARTED on the boy scouts.  It will give us a chance to take in a new part of town and have a fun adventure, check out a local Buddhist temple that has a SUnday School for kids 3 and up.  Oops, let my faith slip there!

This is a funny thing I have noticed over the past few months.  The stress and such (I feel) have taken their toll and I've noticed a few things:

1)  I AM NOT READY TO BE GREY!!!  Nope.  Not one iota.  I have dappled with coloring my hair and letting it be au natural jsut for the sake of COLOR in the past... but recently found a lot more kinky nasty grey crap popping up off the top of my head than I could ever be ok with.  But hey, that's cool... Miss Clairol takes care of that for me in  a mere half hour.  #117 and it's back to "me"

2) I still find myself throwing on my old ratty college swim sweatshirt.  Friends who know me know the one... cut at the neckline.  "Oberlin swimming" pocket hoodie thing.  I have worn that thing beyond death and it is a gloriously wonderful thing.  wrists in tatters... worn thread bare at parts.  But the last time I threw it on, I did a double take.  Am I still cute/hot enough to pull off the "cute when wearing ratty clothes" look, or do I need to actually look more... well... cared for?!?!  I'm no fashion maven, but I don't do "frump".  I"m not going for "MILF" status, but hot mom is nice.

3)  I now understand WHY people get tummy tucks.  It's not that I'm fat by any means at all... I feel I'm doing darned well.. but HELLO what with two pregnancies in quick succession ( along with 2 c-sections!) along with continued weigh loss over the last few years.... well... the skin just hasn't caught up.  so, what happens?  well, to be blunt.... my sizes are a lot smaller.. lest pants fall off, but I find that when i sit down I've got quite a bit of "muffin tuff" over the sides of the pants.  ew! ew! ew!  Just kinda... extra skin.  *gag*

4)  I had an unfortunate waxing experience my senior year in college with my housemate.  Upper lip.  I was bored, we were waiting out a blizzard, and I gave it a shot and ended up with a scab across my upper lip for most of my winter vacation.  Well... lo and behold now that I'm actually NOTICING icky hair (Hubby thinks I'm nuts) on my upper lip (refer back to I don't do "frump") I tried to wax at home again and well.... looked like Pedro due to scabbing for New Year's.  I need to leave that to a professional, I get it.. but the fact that it is happening at all is just, well.... WRONG!

5) I gafawed (on the inside) when I heard a past acquaintance of mine had boob work done after her two kids.  The girl has a kickin body, and it was a bit of a relief to hear it wasn't all managed on her own.  heh heh.  She never breast fed but still found "the girls" needed a bit of help.  Now that Baby Girl has stopped breast feeding I am in a state of shock and awe.  Not so much at the shrunked size,  I LOVE being smaller,  but at how these things attempt to fill a cup now.  Spongy sand bags comes to mind.  I have no intention of getting any boob work done (or tummy work, for that matter) but I would just like to say... I now "get" why folks do it.

Ah, that felt good to get off my chest, and I hope it provided a good chuckle or two.  I'm only effing 31 for gosh sake.  I think I'm in darned good shape.  I do wonder though.... In a few years will I not cast such a leary eye at those who do botox or lipo????  hmmmm... I dunno....  I feel like I've inherited a set of love-handle beginnings that i am going to fight to the death.  My dad says they come from losing weight too fast.  huh.

I'll still wear a string bikini.  At my grandma's house.  In her back yard pool.  at night.  with the lights out.

hee hee hee

ok ok ok!!! I'm bloggin', I'm blogging!

I got a little minor ribbing today from a friend who was wondering why I haven't blogged in  a bit.  Or rather a WHILE.

I've been living a wonderfully uplugged life!  NOw that we have an office, my computer lives in there, and I find myself not making the effort to  in there and plug in!  There have been things to write about, but by the time I get the kids to bed and check in with Hubby on how things are going with the new job.. well... I'm spent!  I'm whooped!  I'm done and I want to enjoy my occasional chardonnay buzz, watch some boob-tube show and crash out EARLY to prepare for the next day!

We are now living a much much more urban lifestyle and I am so in love.  We had said before that we would not want to raise our children in a city setting, but boy howdy were we ever wrong!  Coming back to it has been such second nature, I'm wondering why I worried about it at all.  Boht Hubby and I have just jumped back in as if I never left S.F and he never left Chi-town.

I take the kids (or rather Big Boy with Baby Girl in tow) to school on the light rail train now.  We walk to the end of the complex to the station and strut a quick 10-15 minute stroll (as in both kids in the double stroller) to his school.  Hubby is now taking the Caltrain (also at the edge of our new complex) to his new job in Mountain View.  The cars are remaining in the garage and we are out running the streets.  While I have not done this extra piece yet, I do see it happening: doing the grocery shopping at the whole foods near Big Boy's school before picking him up and taking the train home. 

This weekend we took the train to the farmer's market and later in the day walked to dinner and back with the kids.  It's great.  No wrestling into the car seats, no keeping them occupied and free of tantrums and cross seat fights in the car.  I am getting a very much appreciated break from driving/parking/carseat buckling/ road rage fielding life.  I do drive a fair amount, but about half as much as before.

It's a bit of an ego boost, gotta say.  It is work.  I'm getting into better shape with all the walking and RUNNING to catch the train (at times in this endless rain we are blessed with).  I haven't been out of shape since having these two to keep me busy, but now I'm feeling even better.  The money savings of having a monthly pass on VTA is pretty sweet.  Kids ride free, not much for me (about $60 for the month), so it's good on the pocket book.  We did a savings calculation for Hubby and it came out to about $200 savings a month in gas, wear and tear on the car. parking and insurance.  The lowered stress is priceless.  Like getting back in the saddle.  The kids LOVE it, and are learning more and more about "street smarts" and getting physically stronger too ... though right now I LOVE that it exhausts them so well = early bedtime!!! yahoo!    The little tree-hugging elitist that sits on my shoulder is doing back flips and cartwheels along the lines of "walking our talk" finally.  In the end I feel good about being back on public transportation.

The house is a tri-level... or more like a four level if you include the hike up from the garage.  The kids' rooms are ont he top floor, so I've been feeling the burn a bit.  But now can scamper from garage to top while carrying either near 30 pound Baby Girl or 40 pound Big Boy *willing or not*  without getting out of breathe or too much burn.

I don't have a gym membership.  I don't care for one! yet.

I sleep really well at night and am getting better at letting Hubby be a night owl and just going to bed by about 10 or 10:30.  I find if I do that, I will bound out of bed when baby Girl beckons at 6:30.  If not... well... then Hubby usually pulls himself up to see her.  Hubby is out of the house by 7:45am to get his 7:55 train, so I need to be ready to go to get to the 8:08 train to take Big Boy to school.  Our days are more diciplined and there is a lot less stress in the morning.

Ok.. nuff bloggin on that topic.  A friend just stopped by to pick up Big Boy to play with her son (they live in the same complex).  I am do grateful!  They're going to make cookies.  I'm tempted to just take a few deep breaths and enjoy the quiet of him being gone and Baby Girl being asleep... but being a mom, you know what I'm going to do?  CLEAN THIS PLACE without distraction! 

cya when I get a chance to blog again!