Jessica's Blog

Okay,

Forget it.

I am now putting myself out there to say that finances willing, I will likely get work done as I age.

I can see (in the future)my eyes looking tired all the time, and spending a coupld hours with our dermatologist in his office getting that "taken care of".

I can see(again... in the future)  my chin getting tucked a bit as it goes turkey on me.  Much in the same way of getting the eyes cared for.

I have no idea what will be left of the boobs when Little lady is done with them.  Would I go there?  Who knows.

But here is what I do know:  why would I look in the mirror feeling like my outsides don't match my insides?  If they match, great!  But if I keep feeling like something is there that ought not be and can't be remedied with diet, excercise and healthy lifestyle...why not get rid of it?  Or conversely... if something is missing that really makes me feel less womanly or dare I say "hot"... why wouldn't I go there?

Okay, there I said it.  Any comments?  I mean any other than that I should stop hanging out with the pole dancing crew?!?!

Yeah, the other night as I was crawling around on the floor I came  near face to face (inadvertently.. we got criss-crossed)with another student in the class.  In spite of myself, I gasped and thought, "Holy Crap!  Her breasts are perfect!!!" and then glanced down....  ech, well.  I joked about this fact with my pilates instructor and Amanda.  Both who laughed and admitted that it's totally fine to think that when you see a "perfect pair".  Both had totally opposing views about the kind of work that comes with getting "the perfect pair".  The difference between them?  Well.... to be honest... the only real difference between my friend and my instructor are a) a few years of age and b) a few breast-fed babes.  The response of one was "we need to work on acceptance"  and the response of the other is "Hell yeah, I'm so there!"

While working in the school office the other day I got into a chiding chat with my son's kindergarden teacher.  It was a double whammy.  I had him pegged for being in his twenties.  He had me pegged as, "I dunno... 36?" and I wanted to cry... well, not REALLY.. granted most moms of my son's school are in their forties by the time their kids enter pre-k.... for me to not be is different.. but it turned out..we were basically the same age.  The real difference?  HE hasn't spent the last five plus years popping out kids and not getting any sleep at all.  It. has. its. toll.

When I was younger my choral director would scream and yell at us to smile all the time.  She would say "You get the face you deserve by the time you're fifty."  I admit that may well be true.. and I don't begrudge my laugh lines and crows feet one bit... because they come from all my smiling and laughing until my face hurts... I do begrudge the puff of no-sleep, and I wonder a bit (now) about when the stretch marks might fade.  Now that I'm a size six, wouldn't it be nice to wear a bikini without looking like a burn victim around my middle?

I'm not going under the knife anytime time soon, but I am now officially removing my judgement of anyone who might chose to do so!

On Saturday we decided to go to the San Francisco Zoo.  We had not been in AGES.  I honestly can't quite remember when we last went.  I think it may have been with Dave... may have been with my dad, but this was the first time since Little Lady was born that we decided to take the venture on.

Of course, the whole Tatiana story was ringing through my mind as we strolled along the pathways I've known my whole life.    Like most folks, I have loved the big cats at the SF zoo. I remember well when the now-famed grottos were built and how exciting it was to watch Prince Charles frolic in such a nice big space. I would flock with everyone else to the tiger house when the mighty roars would resinate through the zoo at their feeding time.  I would laugh and watch in awe as they romped and played, thinking "They are sooo huge and sooo playful."  At my last visit I remember Tatiana licking the face of a keeper who had fed her, through the bars of her inside enclosure; her tongue bigger than the keepers' face.  I'm pretty sure it was her, anyway.  I remember the keeper explaining that she and her brother had come from Denver and were 3yrs old.

We all made our way around penguin island to the * new improved* tiger grotto.  The new set up is good, in light of the reason it was rapidly designed and put in.  The viewing of the cats is easier than it was before.  There are placards posted reminding visitors that we are visiting the homes of the animals, to be respectful and *ARGH* don't  taunt the cats.....

gggrrrrrr ARGH!  I am so flippin sorry, but those kids really REALLY REALLY pissed me off about Tatiana getting out of her grotto.  So what are they up to now?  The brothers whose friend (R.I.P Carols Sousa Jr.) was murdered by the tiger?  Were they scared straight after that horrifying experience?  Did they swear off the vodka and pot they were high on when they decided to visit the zoo on Christmas day after clubbing all night and lying to their parents about where they were and who they were with?  Or, maybe upon suing the zoo for the tiger getting out/ swearing they didn't taunt her... but *DID*/ burying their best friend/ then suing someone over defamation of their "character"....did they change their ways?  What are they up to?  What are they up to as they await their checks for millions that could instead go to caring for the zoo and the city?

Ummmm... shoplifting nintendo Wii stuff.

As we walked under the very Jurassic Park looking structures, a docent was walking near us and my mom engaged her in conversation.  The big cats were napping.  Amazing, glorious, and napping.  There is something magnificent about seeing a lion or tiger yawn, stretch, and re-settle and twitch its tail. The docent pointed to a big siberian tiger snoozing and told us that it was Tony, Tatiana's mate.  My heart sank.

It's hard for me to see "the good" that can come from such an incident.  Tatiana's gone, Carlos Sousa Jr. is gone.  The Daliwhal brothers keep on keeping on, could soon be rolling in money for more toys.

But then.... I am reminded that a tigress has had her babies.  Three of them! For the first time since the 1950s and she is a good tiger momma, something rare and thrilling for all of us watching with bated breath.  I can't wait to see them when they are big enough and strong enough.  SOOO CUTE!

We renewed our membership.  Big Boy and Honey Girl enjoyed the little puffer, feeding the farm animals, and their monkey-head lunch boxes.  Little Lady decided she did NOT like the train... as it tooted and whooshed by as she was trying to nurse.  I sat on the benches by the polar bears and waved at Hubby and the kids, winced as she chomped down on me.

I realized the bear I came face to face with while backpacking summer of '91 was a grizzly.  The new bear exhibit had the bears curled up right at the glass and their fur was a good reminder.  I laughed and told Honey Girl the story of emerging from a visit to the "bathroom" and almost bumping into that.  Shaggy golden fur and dark brown too.  Her eyes got huge and she announced she was ready to go to the next thing.

Going to the zoo is always awesome.  Especially when you ask Big Boy "What was your favorite animal?" and he says, "The train."