Jessica's Blog

I had a really messed up thing happen to me recently.

After an odd moment at a playgroup, I called a mom to "check in".  What I got was a darned good slap in the face.  Basically, that she never got over stuff that happened well over a year ago, that she felt I wasn't a good listener at the gathering (watching preschoolers  run around) and that she decided not to be part of the group anymore.  Oh, and she was only calling me back TO BE POLITE.

Now, I get it.  Don't take it personally.  She's going through a lot.  I had thought we were "friends" not good friends, but friends enough to respect each other enough to talk through issues we had with each other.  But nope.  What I got was... fuck you, don't call me, and I'll keep seeing others from the group, but not you.

huh.  never had that happen before.

Good cause for introspection.  And I guess I owe her a big thank you for that!

The last five months( basically since October of 2005) of my life have been a living torrential downpour of pain and transition.  Mourning, illness, death, fear, job hating, husband loving, house moving.... big stuff!  Time travels differently now that we have children.  days may go slow (real slow during spontaneous tantrums) but month s fly by in a wink.  I feel like I am just beginning to return to myself after five months of hellacious and glorious life experience.  Five. Months.

Our new house is my dream.  I love it so much I thank it every night when I go to sleep and every morning when i wake up.  Hubby starts a new job in April and his last day at his current job is tomorrow.  Those are two huge transitions in the lives of a family, we just decided to pile them up.  Add to that losing Grandpa, ailing Grandma on the other side, death of step-grandfather, aunt puking blood uncontrollably in a hospital for a week, me having another systemic breast infection (ill-timed little bugger!).... and the day in day out life with a 18month old and 3 and half year old.  WOWSA I'm surprised I'm not in therapy ( I guess really it's because i don't have time!!) 

Five months.  In that time.. this now self decided ex-fried had a baby and a lot of other things happen.  A lot can happen in five months.  No wonder she felt I was MIA.  Yeah, I called, but never showed up.  I called and told her what was going on with me and that I wasn't good company... but never brought her dinners or baby clothes....I wasn't a very "good friend".  thankfully ( and I'm not joking here).... her exclusive nature wasn't forgiving of that fact and by cutting me off brought to my attention in a very quantitative manner that five months is a long time to be in flux and out of commission!  Some friends are not willing to hang with you for that long when the going gets rough.

Transitions are beginning to wind down.  We are in our new home.  Hubby has his next job.  Mourning sorrow over Grandpa is still in fits but not as often as that first ***oh wow didn't know I could cry so much**** month.  I am back to relative health.  No pun intended at all!  (my relatives are in tough shape!)  Things seems to be coming back to a normal storm and not an over the top storm.

So in the end, in processing this over the last week off and on while moving boxes, wrangling kids, installing light fixtures, t and alking to family and other friends;  I'm not so hurt I was given walking papers by this one now ex-friend.  Shit happened.  She couldn't get over it or see past it.  that being so,  I thank her for the "polite" phone call and the wake up call to boot!

but, because I am me.. I did delete her numbers from my cell phone!  muh-ah ah ah!!!

We signed off on the papers selling our house.  We are in rent back.  We dont' own this roof over our heads right now and we are so so happy about it.  We decided to hire both packers and movers.  Pure luxury and in light of Hubby's back, my neck and our two wee ones .... we had many ways to justify it!

We had our walk through with the builder on our new place today.  two hours of being told about every minute detail of BTUs of the water heater to the switching capabilities of the oh-so-silent bathroom fans.  I'm so in love.  I called Grandma and told her I was near tears of joy.  We signed papers for our new house after the walk through.  New mortgage.  New address.  new dreams.

Hubby has said buh-bye to his job.  I dont' feel right getting into it, as I dont' want to be the fat mouth telling too much.  But I will say this:  he will be much happier where he is going.  Also, I love hearing my folks and grandfolks telling him how proud they are of him and how much they love him for taking steps to be happier.  His rash is going away(hello 21 days of amoxicilin).  His back is all but completely better, and *until today* hadn't had a headache in a couple weeks.  hoooorrrrrah!

In cleaning out our file cabinets I came across all the letters I used to get donations for my Team Diabetes marathon in 2001... letters about why I was running for Grandpa... I started to cry, Hubby put his hand on my shoulder and I immediately launched into (kids with my mom at the time playing) a blue streak of vulgar language about lung caner. a la "fuckingchickenshitwhatthefuckisthepointofitfuckin lung cancer!!!"

Mom's (step mom)'s dad died suddenly .. or not so so suddenly, but thw two weeks leading to his death did not involve any calls to her or her sister...massive pulmonary embolism.  Not one full month after Grandpa died.  She's doing as best as canb e expected... really great... she said she feels like she's been smooshed flat and her body just hurts.  I love her so much I can't  wrap my brain around the pain in her heart right now.  She's an amazingly strong woman, as we all are... my thoughts are with her.

My aunt was in the hospital for the week.  They couldn't keep her from vomiting up blood uncontrollably. Her youngest responded b y blowing off school the whole stay in the hospital.  I totally understand that, but apparently LA school system doesn't.

Grandma (bio-mom's mom) is having a hard time.  falling down a lot and has announced she wants to have spinal surgery.  She went loopy for a good three months after her shoulder replacement a couple years ago.  I sigh a deep deep sigh.  Tough old bird gone a bit too stubborn? 

I've neglected myself back into taking a few motrin a day,, but I have a deep tissue session tomorrow.

Yeah, there's a bunch I'm forgetting to write about, but to be truthfull.. I'm a little tired from my wonderfully happy charged day.

yeah, our plate is full.